There Is No Fate But What We Remake

Mangled.  That was the only word that seemed close to defining the upcoming TERMINATOR GENISYS.  The trailer for the next addition to the TERMINATOR franchise hit last week, though in the wake of the public's first peak at both JURASSIC WORLD and STAR WARS: THE FORCE AWAKENS, it seemed to lose some of potential impact.  Not that there were any early indicators that there was much potential to begin with, but sometimes with movies as with ejaculation, the timings the thing.  I wouldn't necessarily argue for the supremacy of the artist when it comes to his or her own art; however, in this case, I think it's clear that trying to make a TERMINATOR film without James Cameron is like trying to make an ALIEN film without Ridley Scott (unless you make one with James Cameron, in which case it somehow turns out awesome, a rare phenomenon otherwise known as the Cameron Anomaly).  At least, that is the most reasonable conclusion to draw based on the available evidence so far.

 

The Avengers: The Next Generation

For the past several weeks, fanboys and girls, a variety of geeks, and corporate execs and their usual trains of cronies at both Warner Bros. and Disney have been involved in a strange sort of cultural orgy after several (sort of) major developments in the ever-expanding genre of comic book movies.

With an almost orgasmic glee, Disney and Marvel released their upcoming superhero movies up to the third and fourth Avengers films, spanning all the way until 2019.  No to be outdone, Warner Bros. and DC announced their slate of superhero films to be released until 2020, well after the predicted time period where we'd have self-tying laces on our shoes, miniature hair dryers in our jackets, floating boards of moulded plastic, and an entire new legal industry based on the unforeseen (but undoubtedly substantial) liability issues involved in the widespread proliferation of flying automobiles. Assuming we all survive the onslaught of Skynet and various murderous cyborgs (not to mention the latest TERMINATOR sequel, which will be an ordeal in and of itself), audiences will be "treated" to a literal slew of superhero films, an onslaught in its own right.

Ghost of Sparta Lives

I saw this video a couple weeks ago and found it fairly amusing. The good folks over at Gamervision have a fake trailer for a potential God of War movie were it imagined by Wes Anderson. While I would not consider myself a Wes Anderson fan (except, for some reason, Bottle Rocket, which I actually enjoyed) this faux trailer quite adeptly captures the neurotic, off-beat soul of the (limited) Anderson library. While this version of the brutally violent and eternally angry Spartan warrior turned god turned mortal again is in no danger of actually happening it would far and away be a better movie than the rumoured Brett Ratner incarnation. Fuck that guy makes some shitty movies. He could fuck up a cup of coffee. The other day I had to brush my eyes clean with boiling bleach and whip my own back with a cat o' nine tails in penance after realizing that A) Brett Ratner directed Red Dragon and B) I actually remembered enjoying Red Dragon. One of the constants of Hollywood is that Brett Ratner is always wrong (I don't even want to ponder the philosophical ramifications of liking a Ratner flick), which is reassuring in a twisted way. It's nice to have some stability in this crazy world. Enjoy the video and remember: friends don't let friends watch X-Men: The Last Stand.



 
They're my blades of chaos...