Thursday, May 07, 2009

Observe and Report... and Suck Balls

Well, one thing I can say is that this should be the easiest review I've ever had to write. When asked whether or not to see this movie the simple answer I give is: "Don't". It is a single serving of cow vomit with a side of anal rape. Observe and Report has got to be one of the worst (if not the worst) comedy I have ever had the displeasure of seeing.

I don't know what the hell Jody Hill was thinking when he was writing this, or while he was making it, or during the editing process. The answer is he probably wasn't thinking at all. This movie -and I use the term "movie" very lightly- was billed as a "dark comedy" meaning I suppose that the jokes were based around such taboo subjects as date rape, mental instability, flashing, and assaulting law inforcement officers. These things all could have been funny, but they weren't. This was not a comedy. This movie does not fit into any known category. It is in a genre all by itself. The Anti-Comedy. This movie was the antithesis of funny.

One big bias I had before seeing this movie was my hatred of all things Seth Rogen. Now to be fair, the dude can be funny in small (very small) doses, and supporting roles, but he does not have the staying power, the charisma or the acting ability to be a leading man. (The exception that proves the rule being Zack and Miri Make a Porno where I could stand Rogen's suckiness only because of Kevin Smith's awesomeness.) So I went into this experience trying to keep an open mind and give Rogen the benefit of the doubt. I was not rewarded. To be fair again, most of the problems probably stemmed from inexperienced directing and a shitty script. Still, Rogen's acting was definitely nowhere near the level it would have needed to be at to even begin to salvage this bag of putrid garbage.

I can't really summaraize the plot, because there seemed to be a total lack of narrative structure. The reason I hesitate to call this random collection of scenes poorly cobbled together a "movie" is because it lacks the characteristics of a movie. None of the scenes seemed connected, the editing was choppy at best, and most of the scenes were just thrown in completely out of context. There was no continuity. And as to the whole "dark comedy" thing, it simply wasn't even that dark. It tried to be dark, but I've seen much crazier shit in much better comedies handled much more competently. One of the main "plot points" was a flasher who was terrorizing the good people working or shopping at the mall. The final scene depicts this flasher running through the mall being chased by Ronnie Barnhardt (Rogen) and it went on waaaaaaay too long. Now male nudity can be funny like in Borat, but this one was just annoying and disturbing. And then (spoiler alert!) when Barnhardt finally gets the upper hand and gets ahead of the guy I was expecting a good old-fashioned clothes-lining, but no the mother-fucker shoots the flasher point blank in the chest! It wasn't even funny. It was just like "What the fuck?!"

The acting really isn't worth mentioning. Anna Faris seemed to be in her element in yet another mindless "comedy". I had no idea how Ray Liotta ended up in this flic, but he must have realized since it came out that it was a steaming pile. Ray Liotta is a terrific actor and he needs to get back to doing quality movies again (Goodfellas II: Henry's Revenge). And there was no emotional investment in any of the characters. There were simply no redeeming characteristics in the protagonist at all. He was an asshole, but he wasn't a cool asshole.

I'm going to rap this up now because just thinnking about this pool of disease-ridden bodily fluids dripping from a hobo's corpse known as Observe and Report is making me angry. It wasted eighty-six minutes of my life I will never get back. Thank god I had a coupon from the back of a cereal box (go Oatmeal Crisp!) to see this movie because I would have been really pissed if I had paid actual money to have my eyes raped. And the title. What the hell does that even mean? It has nothing to do with anything that happens in the movie. Jody Hill can likc my balls. And in fact he should lick all of our balls because after what he did with this movie, he owes us. He should mail ten bucks to everyone who had to sit through this shit. I could go on, but I'm not going to let this terrible movie waste even one more minute of my life. In fact, I might delete this post later because just seeing it again will only remind me of the time wasted.

My rating: 1/10 = One Mall Security Guard's Head with Goat Balls in Its Mouth


Post a Comment