Summer Movie Season 2008

The hits just keep on coming. The summer started off with a bang with the awesomeness of Ironman and it looks like the trend will continue. Well hopefully. While I am definitely looking forward to Indianna Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (I love the trend towards succinct movie titles these days. Yeah I'm looking at you X-Men Origins: Wolverine) it is with great trepidation that I await its release on May 22. While it is without question that I will pay my hard-earned cash to see the movie because I am a consumer whore I think my worries about 20 year old sequels is at least slightly justified. Take, for example, Live Free or Die Hard. I would choose to live free: free from shitty, money-grab sequels that leave me with the aftertaste of a steamed testicle sandwich. I think it would be shorter to list everything that was good about that steaming pile of crap than to include the laundry list of sickeningly awful garbage that made up the bulk of the film.

There are several reasons I think the new Indy flick will not succomb to the same trap. First of all there is the god of sci-fi geeks everywhere, his majesty George Lucas. It seems everything this man touches turns to liquid money that flows right into his bank account. I mean even with his constant (and often bafflling) desire to alienate his devoted fans with suicide-inducingly annoying characters like Jar-Jar Binks and scene altering of his own holy teachings (Greedo shooting first? WTF?) he continues to make money hand over fist. The second reason is Steven Spielberg. Who among us has not been touched at some point by one of his magical movies? From classics like Jaws or Close Encounters of the Third Kind (so close encounters of the fourth kind... some kind of anal penetration?) to movies that just blew your fucking mind when you saw them like Jurassic Park or Saving Private Ryan, Spielberg has more than proven his ability to direct the shit out of a movie. And while we can agree that Mr. Lucas is a cinematic visionary, he can't hold a candle to Senior Spielbergo when it come to directing (and congratulations to those of you who picked up on the Simpsons reference). The final reason is, of course, Harrison Ford who is a great actor and has helped create, dare I say it, the greatest on-screen action adventure character in the history of the universe? (Sorry Jesus).

The next movie, titled The Incredible Hulk, follows the tale of a simple man who seeks only compassion and understanding in the world. And when he doesn't find it WHAM! he turns into a giant green monster who will smash you and eat your kids for breakfast. While there is absolutely no logical reason why I should look forward to this movie following the mind-raping I sustained from the last Hulk movie (simply titled Hulk) I am still excited about this film. First of all they have Ed Norton, whom I love as an actor (and as a life-partner if he'd ever return my calls. What happened to us Ed?). This will also be the second independently produced film from Marvel, the first being Iron Man. Now after seeing that movie a glimmer of hope shone in my eye that they might produce... (wait for it)... a Hulk movie that didn't suck balls.

But of course the icing on the proverbial cake (mmmm.... cake) for any sane, semi-intelligent, red-blooded movie-goer this season is The Dark Knight. I mean unless you've been living under a rock or are deaf, dumb, and blind (and that's still no excuse) you have to have heard of this movie. If you are a fan of good superhero movies, or good movies in general then you must be in tune with the Batman. This movie has to be awesome. It just has to. Everything I believe to be true and good in my life is based on the fact that The Dark Knight will be amazing. If it's not I don't know what I'll do. I will have to reconsider every decision I have ever made in my life. Up is down, black is white, Grease was actually the best movie ever made. From what I've seen and read so far this movie is going to rock, and rock hard.
The first reason is one word: Christian Bale. OK, it's actually two words, but if Christian Bale told be two words was one word I'd believe him because he is a great actor and all-around better person than me. In my opinion I think Christian Bale is hands down the best actor working in Hollywood today. Who can play Batman? Christian Bale. Movie about Stephen Hawking? Christian Bale. Bio-pic about Rosa Parks? Call up Christian Bale. Second is the late Heath Ledger. Truly a great talent and from what I've seen of the Joker so far I am impressed. This Joker is a scary, murdering psychopath. In other words a true villain. Then you have Christopher Nolan in the director's seat. I don't know but after Memento I would trust this guy not only with any movie project but also the life and the life of my family (there's always a babysitting job ready for you at my house if this whole movie thing doesn't work out). Then he comes out with Batman Begins and The Prestige, the old double-whammy. Superb, just superb.

So there it is, my hope for the future (Well, the immediate future. Well, the immediate future of movies anyway). If you don't agree you can go sit on a cattle prod because unfortunately here in the Western Hemisphere we have the right to free speech, and until that changes (support Proposition 92!) I am still free to voice my opinion on a wide range of topics from movies to... something else I get excited about. BBQ maybe? Until next time I hope you enjoy the 2008 summer movie season.